Second-Hand Stress: the Energy You Absorb Without Realizing

Have you ever felt your own chest tighten as soon as you entered a room full of tense people, even though nothing had happened to you? Second-hand stress is the unseen burden you unknowingly absorb from the energy around you.

Similar to “catching” a cold, secondhand stress is the emotional strain or tension people experience when they take on the stress, anxiety, or trauma of others. The stress response is mirrored in the observer’s own body through a process known as emotional contagion, which is fueled by empathy and mirror neurons in the brain. People who are caregivers, have close relationships, or are exposed to chronic stress are more likely to experience this stress, which can show up as weariness, tension, and health problems.

Although secondhand stress is invisible, its effects are very real. If you’re struggling to recognize emotional burnout, check out our guide on balancing work, health, and family without burnout for early signs to watch out for. You can safeguard your own mental health and react empathetically without becoming burned out by learning to identify when you’re taking on other people’s worries and establishing appropriate boundaries.

A woman sits curled up on a chair, her head resting on her knees, with a large rock digitally placed on her back — symbolizing the heavy burden of stress, anxiety, or emotional pressure.

How Second-Hand Stress Works

The mirror neuron system, a network of brain cells that fires when we act or feel an emotion and when we see someone else doing the same, is largely responsible for detecting the moods of others. This allows for emotional contagion. By mimicking their emotional and physical states, this system, in conjunction with other brain areas like the insula and somatosensory cortex, allows us to “feel into” another person’s experience, fostering empathy and compassion. This mirror neuron system may be hyper-responsive in highly empathic people, resulting in a more profound and occasionally overwhelming resonance with other people’s emotions.

Body language, tone, and energy serve as powerful messengers for secondhand stress, enabling our brains to detect the distress of others and initiate our own stress reactions. Others may experience a contagious cycle of anxiety as a result of a stressed person’s tense posture, sharp tone, or even stress-related chemical signals like pheromones. Because the body has the ability to alter our thoughts and feelings, these nonverbal clues are extremely potent.

Everyday Sources of Second-Hand Stress

People can absorb second-hand stress when they observe others’ negative body language, hear anxious tones, or experience stress contagion from friends, family, or even strangers through social interactions, emails, or hectic environments. Their mirror neurons trigger this response, often showing up as tension, anxiety, fatigue, or even digestive issues.

Stress can be “caught” from close relationships, such as friends, family, and coworkers, particularly if you feel liable to them.
A busy or chaotic workplace, as noted by CPD Online College, can trigger stress responses even when you’re not personally involved in the situation.
HuffPost reports that being stuck in traffic or witnessing road rage can leave you feeling physically tense, angry, and on edge.
Meanwhile, a Medium article highlights how stress can also spread digitally — through anxious texts, rushed emails, or even the tone of online conversations.

Signs You’re Absorbing Stress That Isn’t Yours

Emotional Dissociation:

It becomes challenging to discern your own emotions from those of those around you.

Loss of Autonomy:

You may find it difficult to refuse requests, feel accountable for other people’s welfare, or continue in toxic relationships.

Fatigue:

Even if nothing particular has happened to you, you feel exhausted, drowsy, or utterly exhausted after social interactions.

Need for Solitude:

In order to refuel and prevent feeling overpowered by other people’s energy, you usually need to withdraw to be by yourself.

Changes in Appetite or Sleep:

You may observe a notable shift in your appetite or encounter issues with your sleep.

How to Protect Yourself from Second-Hand Stress

Establish Boundaries:

Spend less time with people or in stressful situations.
To relax and avoid taking on their stress, physically leave the room or take a break from a tense situation.

Putting Grounding Techniques into Practice:

To improve your mood and lower stress, do things you enjoy, like working out, meditation, taking a walk, or listening to music.
You can reduce your body’s stress response by practicing mindfulness and deep breathing techniques.

Recharging With Positive Energy:

Be in the company of people and things that make you happy and upbeat.
To foster a sense of calm, identify specific spaces where stress is less tolerated, if at all possible.

Turning Awareness into Strength

Studies by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) show that developing self-awareness around emotional boundaries is one of the most effective long-term strategies for emotional resilience.

The first step to regaining your energy is realizing that you’re absorbing second-hand stress. Learning to channel empathy as a strength rather than a strain allows you to stay grounded, even when others are overwhelmed. When you recognize that someone else’s emotions aren’t yours to carry, it becomes easier to offer support without losing your own calm. This balance lets you show up for friends, family, coworkers, and loved ones — while still protecting your own mental space. Developing resilience through self-care, setting boundaries, and engaging in mindful practices transforms awareness into strength—you’re not just responding; you’re making a conscious decision.

Conclusion

Second-hand stress may be hard to spot, but it’s something most of us experience every day. Protecting your energy isn’t selfish—it’s essential if you want to stay balanced, compassionate, and effective in your own life. The next time you notice yourself feeling tense after a conversation or drained without reason, pause and ask: Is this stress really mine? By practicing even one protective strategy this week—whether it’s setting a boundary, grounding yourself, or spending time with uplifting people—you’ll start to build a buffer against stress that isn’t yours to carry.